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Archive for the ‘Goop’ Category

The Internet Needs a Gwyneth Paltrow Detox!

gwyneth-paltrowGwyneth Paltrow is back, folks.

No, not back from England.  And, no, not back on screens.  She’s back with more detox nonsense.

In her latest newsletter, the Goopster (as I like to call her) mentions that she is “finishing [an] amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program.”

She goes on to say she “feel[s] pure and happy and much lighter” as a result of following said cleanse.

Alas, the cleanse conveniently happens to be the basis of New York City “detox specialist” — and Goopster friend — Dr. Alejandro Junger’s latest book, which she then goes on to plug.  How… convenient.

In the newsletter, Dr. Junger, like any good businessman, explains that while the cleanse “can easily [be done] at home with freshly made foods and drinks, a meal replacement shake-supplement version of it is also available in a kit from www.cleanprogram.com.)”

Second mortgage, anyone?

Apparently the inspiration for this cleanse program — besides a larger bank account — was Dr. Junger’s personal experience following a 15-day juice fast several years ago, on which he “lost 15 pounds and was told repeateadly [that] he looked ten years younger.”

Citing his medical experience, he claims to have perfected that cleanse in order to make it healthier and more manageable for those leading busy lives.  How someone with a busy schedule can find the time to get daily colonics beats me, though.

Anyhow, you can view the cleanse manual here.  Page seven, which details the dietary principles, is quite interesting.

Let’s see (my comments in bold):

  1. Oranges, strawberries, grapes, and bananas are not allowed.  Any diet program that tries to blame certain fruits for health problems loses major credibility.
  2. Rice milk and oat milk are allowed.  I thought processed foods were a no-no?  In what universe is rice milk not a processed food?
  3. Chicken and turkey are allowed, but not shellfish.  Right, because shrimp is so unhealthy…
  4. Tomatoes, potatoes, and eggplant are banned. Oh, you didn’t know?  Tomatoes are TERRIBLE for you.  Yeah, uhhh… the tomato lobby has just been lying to you all this time.  Those bastards!
  5. Brown rice syrup, stevia, and agave nectar get a thumbs up, but all other sweeteners — including honey — get a thumbs down.  Someone please send this doctor to Nutrition 101 so he can learn that all sugars are created equal.

It’s rather ironic that a wellness website so intent on living harmoniously and in balance encourages avoidant eating patterns.

Anyhow, if you believe what the Goopster says on the back cover of the book, this cleanse helps “end chronic depression.”  Did your BS detector just go off?  Good!

Hollywood execs: if you’re out there, I beg you, please cast this woman in a film so she can get off the computer and stop spreading this cleanse nonsense.

Thanks in advance!

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Celebrity Diet Secrets: A Steaming Pile Of… Goop

Last September, Gwyneth Paltrow launched a lifestyle and wellness website named Goop, which she describes as a “collection of experiences [of] what makes life good.”

Well, wouldn’t you know it, in her latest newsletter, “Gwyn” talks about… detox diets!

“I like to do fasts and detoxes a couple of times during the year, the most hardcore one being the Master Cleanse I did last spring,” she writes.

Turns out the the A-lister’s detox specialist — who I refuse to name in this post since I do not want to promote him with yet another Google hit — told her the Master Cleanse wasn’t healthy because it doesn’t adequately meet the liver’s nutritional demands.

Forget the liver, how about the fact that it simply doesn’t provide much of anything in the way of nutrition and that there is absolutely no reason to believe that lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper play any role in detoxing?

I digress.

Gwyneth then proceeds to share her own “detox-doctor approved” seven-day elimination diet to “help decrease the amount of work your digestive system has to do.”

If it’s any consolation, she will “be suffering along with you to kickstart [her] year a bit lighter.”

Before going into detail, she shares tips from her detox-doctor, including:

“If your bowel movements get sluggish, you can accelerate things by drinking half a cup of castor oil or using a mild herbal laxative. Bowel elimination is paramount for correct detoxification.”

Well, yes, bowel elimination is paramount to overall good health, as it is one of the body’s ways of removing waste material.

That said, the castor oil and herbal laxative suggestions are ridiculous and, in my opinion, are tacked on in an attempt to make this detox plan seem special.

Whatever happened to simply speeding up digestive transit by consuming a higher quantity of fiber-rich foods?

Anyhow, you can see Gwyneth’s week-long detox plan here. Disturbingly, the average day barely adds up to 1,000 calories!

For the record, “there can be no dairy, grains with gluten, meat, shellfish, anything processed (including all soy products), fatty nuts, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar and obviously no alcohol, caffeine or soda.”

Which makes me wonder:

* What are examples of non fatty nuts?
* What about those four nightshade vegetables makes them detox “enemies”? I would just love to hear her “detox doctor” explain this one.
* If sugar is banned for this plan, then why is the Master Cleanse — which calls for cups and cups of maple syrup (sugar!) — considered such a pinnacle of health?
* If dairy is banned, why do some of Gwynth’s recipes call for whey protein powder?
* If sugar is banned, why do some of Gwyneth’s recipes call for agave nectar?
* If “anything processed” is banned, why is almond milk used in some recipes?

Above all, why do celebrities with no health credentials think they are authorities on nutrition?

Thank you to Kristin MacBride for passing along the newsletter link.

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